Welcome to the future. In a move that’s been anticipated for twenty years, Nike is finally up to the challenge, releasing the McFly Hyperdunk sneaker line this summer.

A spokesperson for Nike said that testing on the auto-lacing technology has gone very well and is available for public integration immediately. When asked about rumored tests-gone-wrong, the spokesperson declined comment.

It was reported that early tests zippered so tightly that the subjects feet were snapped off from the ankle. Though Nike won’t comment on the rumors, there have been reports from the Nike compound that dozens of people have been seen limping around on crutches with one or no feet visible to the naked eye. Unless Nike is developing invisible technology, I think I’m going to stick with New Balance for the foreseeable future.

Ready for your economic stimulus check?  Who isn’t!!!  Here you go!!!

PSYCH!!!!  No check for you!  What do you think this is a fucking hand-out?!?!?  Your idiocy is only matched by your belief that you’d actually get something for nothing.

The U.S. government has “intercepted” $2 billion in checks to compensate for your outstanding student loans, or child support payments, or back taxes.  It’s a political sham.  Be on my side, I’ll be on your side… until the last minute, when I’ll take that rug you’re standing on and laugh while you fall on your ass.

Before you condemn me, I’ll admit I do agree (partially) with the reason the funds have been stolen from you without your consent.  BUT, what I find tactless is the way it was done.  To rally everyone around the idea of “economic stimulus” and now the entire idea turns out to be bullshit.  If you don’t think this was intended from the beginning, you’re as naive to politics as a Geek Squad employee is to a sex life.

So sorry, dear interceptee, no sweet new iPhone for you.  No government love.  Betcha wish you forked over that hard earned dough to your alma mater now, dontcha!

As it turns out, the “lost” tribe isn’t lost after all.  The photographer that took the infamous pictures is now saying that we’ve known about the tribe all along (funny, that I don’t remember knowing about them all along…) and he lied to the world in an effort to bring attention to the dangers of logging in the Amazon.

As punishment, the photographer has been ordered to personally cut down the last remaining Redwood tree, which is positioned to fall on the last remaining bald eagle, who is strapped to a case of explosives which inevitably will somehow kill a bunch of puppies.  Way to go, Einstein.

Astronomers in Europe recently discovered three “Super Earths“, the largest being nearly ten percent larger than the runt we live on.

It occurred to me that Super Earths might harbor Super Humans and Super Plants and Animals - not like Krypton or anything, just humans, plants, and animals that are nearly ten times the size as us.  If these Super Earths were actually to scale, I’d be most interested in capturing and studying one of their species, preferably a female (woot!).

Seriously though, one of the Super Earths orbits around its sun in four days (as opposed to our 365).  So there goes the scale theory.  Either that or time means something way different for Super Earthlings, and their lifetimes come and go in less than one year.  Shit, if you count dog years, that cute little puppy you just got won’t live to see August.

Oh puppies.  You’ve always got it so rough.

moe. Saranac Brewery, Utica NY, June 13 and 14, 2008 - photos from my crappy camera phone, music from the awesome show in Albany a few months back.

click the pic!